I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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