You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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