I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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