I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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