Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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