So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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