Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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