She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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