i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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