Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize