"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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