I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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