New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize