well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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