Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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