Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
two words: eviction party
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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