even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize