I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize