I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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