Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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