what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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