You can't motorboat a personality
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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