I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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