tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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