This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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