we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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