Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
