I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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