If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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