My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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