also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize