So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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