Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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