Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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