You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i now understand why vodka
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize