I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize