I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize