my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize