Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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