my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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