Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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