I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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