She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize