my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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