If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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