if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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