whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize