too bad you live with your parents still
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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