walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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