i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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