Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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